Freedom

I look in the mirror. I see my face. It is tear stained. I look like total chaos. I look like the chaos inside of me. My hair is everywhere. My mouth is a ruler. I feel sort of delirious. I have to do this. It is not worth it. It isn't too much pain too much sorrow. I take the knife and slit my wrists. I had already written the note to my family and " friends." I lay on my bed. I let myself bleed out the pain. As I lie there dying my life flashed before my eyes. The menacing words. The turned backs. Being turned away left out disregarded and unloved. The shame of the feeling when I knew what he had done to me at that stupid party. The only party I had been invited to in High School. I knew it was too good to be true. That those popular seniors actually wanted to be my friends. They just used me. The worst part is that no one would believe me. No one would believe what happened to me. No one would stand up for me. The only one who believed me was my mom. She and my dad were the only one who ever truly cared. Why did the police not believe me? All these people that let me suffer alone. They will probably come to my funeral but they weren't my friends while I was alive. They did not come to my birthday party. I sat there alone. I was waiting. The rejection I felt was felt alone. The voices of my peers "No one likes you." "You are ugly." "Maybe you should kill yourself" "You're fat." "You're stupid." "You're just a fly." I could handle that but those who called me their friends making me look like a fool. Tick Tick Tick Tick I feel myself letting go. Just like they let go of me. I feel the darkness enshroud me. Strangely it feels good. I am dying and I don't feel panicked. I am just going to sleep a long eternal sleep. The pain is gone and I feel free.