Freedom

I look in the mirror. I see my face. It is tear stained. I look like total chaos. I look like the chaos inside of me. My hair is everywhere. My mouth is a ruler. I feel sort of delirious. I have to do this. It is not worth it. It isn't too much pain too much sorrow. I take the knife and slit my wrists. I had already written the note to my family and " friends." I lay on my bed. I let myself bleed out the pain. As I lie there dying my life flashed before my eyes. The menacing words. The turned backs. Being turned away left out disregarded and unloved. The shame of the feeling when I knew what he had done to me at that stupid party. The only party I had been invited to in High School. I knew it was too good to be true. That those popular seniors actually wanted to be my friends. They just used me. The worst part is that no one would believe me. No one would believe what happened to me. No one would stand up for me. The only one who believed me was my mom. She and my dad were the only one who ever truly cared. Why did the police not believe me? All these people that let me suffer alone. They will probably come to my funeral but they weren't my friends while I was alive. They did not come to my birthday party. I sat there alone. I was waiting. The rejection I felt was felt alone. The voices of my peers "No one likes you." "You are ugly." "Maybe you should kill yourself" "You're fat." "You're stupid." "You're just a fly." I could handle that but those who called me their friends making me look like a fool. Tick Tick Tick Tick I feel myself letting go. Just like they let go of me. I feel the darkness enshroud me. Strangely it feels good. I am dying and I don't feel panicked. I am just going to sleep a long eternal sleep. The pain is gone and I feel free.

Never Alone

You are never alone. I know life is not pretty. I have gone through my own trials. Sometimes you feel alone like no one cares. Whether it is the loss of a loved-one, homelessness, bullying, depression, abuse, or anything else you may face. You are not alone. God will catch every tear. He sees when you cry. He is there. Just know you are never alone. 

In Psalm 56:8 it says God records our misery." Record my misery;list my tears on your scroll are they not in your record?" He is there with us. He will never leave you or forsake you. He will be there to the end of time. You are never alone. I know some days you feel alone. You feel forsaken. Let the tears fall. Let God catch them. Let yourself feel the pain. Let is out. If you need to cry cry your heart. He will be there, He will remember. Don't hold the torrent of tears back. Just let it flow. Let them race down your cheeks. It is freeing, because the dam will break, but God will be there with you when it does. He will catch those tears when they fall.

 I know it is hard to trust God, when you are going through something. It is okay to be angry at God. It is okay to ask questions. It is okay to falter. Your trust in God may bend but it won't break. He is the silent force that keeps you going even when you angry at him. Even when you don't trust him. Even when you question why? Sometimes you just need to yell at the heavens and scream WHY?!?!? Why have you done this to me? I have said that before. You simply want to know why? Why would  a good God allow this to happen to one of his own followers? I have asked this question so many times. So many times. There is no real answer. Just the comfort of God.                                                              

Sometimes when you feel alone, it seems like you can't make it through another day. I begged God just to get me through one more day. One more day. While you are suffering, each day feels like a year. It seems the pain will never end. The hurt just goes on and on. God will get you through that one more day. He will. So just take it a day at the time. The pain will end. I know it doesn't feel like it now. I know you feel alone, depressed, and forsaken. Just now you will never ever be alone as long as you have him the King Of Kings. He will comfort you. Matthew 5:4 states, "Blessed are those who mourn, for they will be comforted." He is there by your side to comfort you.

As you face trials. AS you question God. As you feel dejected. Remember God is with you. You are never alone. I know it may feel like you are, but you aren't. God hold you in his arms. You are safe with him. He is your protector and he is your king. He will hold you and love you and comfort you even when you are angry with him. He loves you and he never want you to me alone.

Thanks For Reading!!

You can do this!!!

The GMO Bill against Labeling CALL YOUR SENATOR!!!

The GMO bill against that stops states from labeling GMO's. This is not good. House Bill 1599 has already passed through the House of Representatives. We must stop this from passing through the Senate. Therefore I strongly compel you to contact your Senator and encourage them to vote no. If we fight this bill we can stop it from pass through the Senate. 
At this point, if you don't know what GMO's are you are wandering why this bill shouldn't be passed and why GMOs should be labeled right. First let's take a look at what GMOs are.

GMO OR GM stands for Genetically Modified Organism or Genetically Modified. But what exactly makes a food Genetically modified specifically plants? Genetic modification in agriculture is when a plant for example corn or Zea mays (its scientific name)  has the genes of a bacteria for example Bacillus thuringiensis, which is sometimes used as a pesticide, added to its own genes through a process of recombinant DNA technology .  But what does this do? This helps the corn plant make its own insecticide. The gm corn plant creates a Bt toxin that kills the insects. Genetic Modification is adding genes of different species to the genetic code of another species.  Some plants that are genetically modified are Soy, corn, Canola, cotton, Sugar beets,  Zucchini, Squash, papaya, tomato, rice, wheat, potatoes,  alfalfa and  even milk.

Now you know what is why is it bad? Our world lab shows a direct correlation with the rise of Diabetes, Autism, and Arthritis and the introduction of GMO crops AS you see by these graphs.  This could be merely coincidental or proof that GMO’s cause health problems.  

“If toxins and bacteria are leaking into the abdominal cavity, the body will respond as if it is under attack. In addition, according to Dr. Pusztai, “The body will regard any genetically modified substance coming into the digestive system as foreign [because of its mutated DNA].” The body responds to foreign substances by triggering an immune response. This can be instant, as in an allergic reaction, or it can be a slower, cell-mediated response. Food allergies and immune diseases of all kinds are also soaring. Incidence and prevalence data trends are unavailable because many were rare until recently (fibromyalgia, celiacs disease). Other immune diseases that are on the rise are: asthma, eczema, lupus, Addison's disease, Grave's disease, rheumatoid arthritis, multiple sclerosis, psoriasis, and psoriatic arthritis.”

Genetically Modified Food could cause diseases and other serious long term effects as discovered in the real world lab by Professor Pusztai.

Another problem with GM crops are their toxins. Remember the corn that released the BT-toxin to kill the bugs.  If It kill bugs is it perilous to humans? The answer is Yes. New Research from Canada has discovered that this BT-toxin can kill unborn children by destroying their embryos.  Although Monsanto claims this product is perfectly safe. It is not.  The BT toxin can also kill human cells. But the toxin is not present in corn in large enough amount to kill an adult quickly. There was also a study that took place over two years one of the very few lab studies.

According to the Scientific American “The study found that rats fed for two years with Monsanto’s glyphosate-resistant NK603 maize (corn) developed many more tumors and died earlier than controls. It also found that the rats developed tumors when glyphosate (Roundup), the herbicide used with GM maize, was added to their drinking water. .”

These are a few of the reasons why GMOs should be label. I hope after reading this you will immediately contact your senator and encourage him or her to vote no on House Bill 1599.

My Sources are Listed Below
http://people.csail.mit.edu/seneff/glyphosate/NancySwanson.pdf


http://www.britannica.com/EBchecked/topic/897705/genetically-modified-organism-GMO
dHUhttps://blog.honest.com/understanding-gmos/#.UYyHRYI-dHU
http://www.cnbc.com/2015/07/22/gmos-congress-may-block-states.html

The tragedy of Racism

The tragedy that happened in Charleston, SC is disheartening. Racism is a tragedy. Racism is not over. IT is not done. In the words of the most looked up to civil right leader, Martin Luther King Jr., "They are now committed back to that eternity from which they came.And yet they died nobly. They are the martyred heroines of a holy crusade for freedom and human dignity.And so my friends, they did not die in vain. God still has a way of wringing good out of evil. And history has proven over and over again that unmerited suffering is redemptive.And so I stand here to say this afternoon to all assembled here, that in spite of the darkness of this hour, we must not despair. We must not become bitter, nor must we harbor the desire to retaliate with violence. No, we must not lose faith in our white brothers. Somehow we must believe that the most misguided among them can learn to respect the dignity and the worth of all human personality."

The words still ring true in our society. Racism is not over, but steady progress has been made. Progress is being made. We must continue the fight. We must not stop until love has won. We can see the war between love and hate continues to wage on and on from the late Trayvon Martin, whose death wasn't brought to justice, to the current situation which we face in Charleston, SC. 

What happened in Charleston, SC? 
A man, Dylan Rood, entered the church prayer meeting. The church was a predominately African-American church. He sat there for an hour and I assume that they welcomed him into the church. He then turned on them shooting all but one person whose life was spared. This act was committed by a deranged, evil, and racist person. He believed African-Americans had taken over America, which is obviously false. He wanted to start a civil war. He had confederate flag license plate. He believed in white supremacy. His previous actions indicated the potential to violence. He did not care about those he slayed or their families.

The people that were murdered in cold blood were innocent people trying to worship God. People lives were snuffed out. A pastor waging the war of love was killed. A well-known speech therapist helping teens with their speech. A young man, who graduated from college and loved knowledge. These people did not deserve to die. Their lives cannot be gone in vain. We must be solemn and continue to fight until loves rings true everywhere. Until loves rings true in the capital building. Until love rings true in the courts. Until loves ring true in every heart in America. Until love rings true through our country. We have no choice but to fight the good fight to do what's right. So Let us stop the tragedy of Racism here and now.

Thanks For Reading!

For more information on the Charleston Massacre Go to these links:
http://www.cnn.com/2015/06/18/opinions/bergen-charleston-attack-terrorism/index.html
https://gma.yahoo.com/charleston-shooting-closer-look-alleged-gunman-dylann-roof-203816813--abc-news-topstories.html

Random quotes by me (from my writing)

Should 19 and Counting be canceled?

Hey Guys! I haven't written on any current events recently. But I am going to write about what I think about the recent "celebrity" news about the Duggars. I am sure you all have heard about it. For  a brief synopsis http://www.cnn.com/2015/05/21/us/josh-duggar-child-molestation-allegations/?iid=ob_article_topstories_pool&iref=obnetwork
I usually don't write about celebrity news, but this is or maybe was one of my favorite shows.
First of all I really don't think the entire show should be canceled for the actions of one person. It would not be fair to the victims of the crime to me. I think most people have solely been looking at Josh. He is not the only one on the show and not the only one involved. So I think they should simply take Josh off the show instead of canceling the entire thing. What he did was wrong and he knows that. He still needs consequences. I am sure he would never do something like that again..
It seems that people bypassed the feelings and thoughts of his sisters. I just wonder if they canceled it how would it affect them. As I have read victims of abuse tend to blame themselves for it. They also tend to have lower self-esteem. No articles have stated which sisters were abuse by their eldest brother.

They obviously did not want this to define them, because they would've written in their book. When the media blew this up they did not do so thinking about the victims and their feelings and if this would be bring back bad memories. Now, that we know about it. We can see how strong and forgiving they are. They forgave their brother even though it was tough. I think this whole trial they went through gave them the ability to love more. Instead of growing up to be bitter and hateful women they grew up to be strong, loving, and forgiving. We could all ask ourselves if we were abused would we be willing to forgive?

You are BEAUTIFUL!

Beauty... It is something we think of as an outer thing and sometimes an inner thing. It seems that is a girl thing. But I believe anyone can have beauty. Beauty is what is on the inside. Not an outer appearance. You are beautiful. I don't care if you are a guy or a girl. You are beautiful!! 

For girls and guys some days, we just feel ugly. On those days, it seems that anything I try does not look okay.  On days like this we can become self-absorbed. We can complain all day about everything. Nothing looks right. It is so easy on those days when you feel ugly or not good enough to lose your shine. It can be easy to hide our  inner beauty. We aren't perfect. But ALWAYS remember it is the inner beauty that counts. It doesn't matter what you're outside looks like. Beauty is fleeting. Inner beauty true beauty last forever and ever.

I know that some of you have gone through tough situations, so have I. It can damper you're inner beauty. You can focus so much on past mistakes or things that happened to you in the past. We can all forget the present. How we can grow in beauty now. Some of you may have been abused or lost a loved one. You may have gone down the wrong road. You might have a hard time forgiving someone else maybe even yourself. Forgiveness is beautiful.  Holding on to hate takes away from you're true beauty. I am not just preaching from inexperience. There have been people who did things to me. It took me a while to forgive them. Once I did I was free. I grew in beauty and love. Sometimes I hated God for letting me go through a tough situation. I had to realize that God still loved me. That he put this situation in my life for me to grow in love, forgiveness, and beauty. When you forgive, you bloom. True beauty is like a flower inside, when let go of hate, you bloom. The more you grow in beautiful. The pretty you flower is.

God made you beautiful.  In Psalms 198:14  says "I praise you because I am fearfully and wonderfully made;  your works are wonderful I know that full well."
The king made you amazing. You are prince or princess of the Most High. God loves you. He gave you a purpose. He wants you to reach your height in beauty. He wants you to bloom. God wants you to be a bright flower in a world of wilting plants. You are a child of the king, the creator of all things. As you grow in beauty and love and faith, he smiles. Thank the Lord for making you wonderful and helping you grow. In 2  Thessalonians 1:.3, it states " We ought always to thank God for you, brothers and sisters, and rightly so, because your faith is growing more and more, and the love all of you have for one another is increasing." While you're love increases, praise and thank the Lord for his gift of love and making you beautiful.

Just remember, God made your beauty to be shared with the entire world.  Shine!! Shine bright. Show you're beautiful flower to the world. Even when it feels like you're flower is wilting. God fashioned you to grow and grow in beauty as you let go of anger and hate for yourself or those who wronged. YOU ARE BEAUTIFUL!!! DON"T EVER FORGET IT!
This is a great song. Johnny Diaz More Beautiful you. 
Trust me there could never be a more beautiful!!!!